Some short jokes about Nazis

What did nazi pilots eat for breakfast? Luftwaffles

My Wife is refusing to fry any food and is insisting on eating healthier. She is turning into a Kitchen Nazi. She keeps sticking everything in the oven.

How do you comfort a grammar nazi? Pat him or her on the back and say, “Their, they’re…”

“Hot damn!” – the Nazi’s probably after their dams were destroyed. I don’t know; I’m not a historian. It’s just an educated guess.

I’ve never been one for Nazi jokes… I’ve been nein for them.

When a grammar Nazi gets sad give them a hug and say “There, their, they’re.”

When grammar nazis correct me, I start to make errors on purpose to mess with them. You can say I’m passive, aggressive.

What do you call the man who proofread Hitler’s speeches? The original grammar Nazi.

What did Hitler say when he put on a blindfold? “I can Nazi.”

Have you heard of the grammar nazi? He is really anti-semantic…

Where do nazis go on vacation? The holocoast.

why did my wife didn’t like her jewellery? cuz she is a nazi

What do you say when comforting a grammar nazi? There, their, they’re……

How does Hitler tie his shoes? In little Nazis.

The guy who proofread Hitler’s speeches was a Grammar Nazi.

How to comfort a Grammar Nazi “They’re Their There”

A far right party wins an election in Germany with 60% of the vote. I did nazi that coming

what does a Nazi turkey say? “Goebbles Goesbbles”

What do Nazi Germany and vaginas have in common? Their tendency to subjugate poles.

What do you say when you are comforting a grammar nazi? There, Their, They’re

What do Nazi marijuana farmers say to their employees? BALE HYDRO!!

I wish instead of Grammar Nazis there were Grammar Angels. They’d quietly whisper, “Baby, you made a mistake. Let me fix it for you. -hug-”

My Grandfather was one of those Unorthodox Jews. He was a Nazi.

Families that do Christmas card photo shoots months before Christmas have the organizational skills of high-level Nazis.

Q: How does Hitler tie his shoes? A: With little Nazis.

I am a proud member of Grammar Nazi… And your not.

What do you call a Nazi turkey? Joseph Gobbles.

Q: What did the blind German say? A: I can Nazi you!

How many Nazis does it take to screw in 6 million lightbulbs? One. The rest were just following orders.

That sunken Nazi submarine they just found is a lot like my girlfriend Dead and full of seamen

What’s the difference between feminists and Nazis? The Nazis shaved.

I never knew Godwin’s law was in the English Oxford dictionary.. What a bunch of language fascists. edited: grammar Nazis

I’ll never forgive the Nazis for how they treated my Granddad in that concentration camp during the war… Five years he was there on that machine gun tower, and never got a single promotion…

My grandfather is such a grammar Nazi that he made every Jew in the camp practice writing every day.

What is a Nazi baker’s secret ingredient? White Flour!

Have you heard about the new up and coming racially biased dice game? They’re calling it nazi

What do a flat-earther, a Nazi, and YOU have in common? They all get one vote.

What did the Nazi without a car say? Damnit! Now I’m going to have to sieg HAIL a cab!

How many Nazis did it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, despite crimes against humanity they were efficient people and had state of the art engineering.

[1st date] {don’t let her know you’re Hitler} HER: what are you going to eat? ME: definitely not seafood HER: did u say nazi food? ME: shit

Hey, thanks for making sure “Nazi” is capitalized, iPhone. Way to honor them.

Do you know what else are nazis? The other 25 letter of the alphabet.

“Sir, we are mining too many useless ores” *Hitler rubs chin* So mine less. [GRAMMAR NAZI BUSTS IN] “MINE FEWER.” [Hitler looks up] Yes?

[wakes up from a 72-year-long coma] oh nazis are still a thing huh

What do you say when comforting a grammar nazi? There…their…they’re..

Why don’t Nazi’s like strip clubs? Because, they don’t like Poles.

Either a lying war criminal endorsed by the KKK or a Neo Nazi reality TV star are going to be President of America. It’s not funny. But it is a fucking joke. America, sort your shit out.

When Germany won the World Cup, I did nazi that coming.

Chuck Norris was born May 6th 1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7th 1945.

I don’t like Holocaust jokes… I do Nazi why they’re funny, Anne Frankly they’re quite offensive. EDIT: a word

How come Hitler never went to the movies? Because he could nazi!

Where do Grammar Nazis get put on trial? You’re*-emburg ^^^^^^I’m ^^^^^^sorry… **Edit: obligatory second page post. Can’t believe I’m on the second page!**

im back with another knee slapper !! “i leterally did nazi see that coming! – an frank funny joke am i righte ??

My WWII joke is quite predictable How did Jew Nazi that coming?

What do you call Nazis from San Francisco? Bay Aryans

Contrary to common belief, only 5.7 million Jews were killed during the Holocuast, for you see… the Nazis were known for rounding them up.

Why don’t neo-nazis use the forward button on their browsers? Because they Alt-Right instead.

What happened when Hitler got bratwurst juice in his eye? He could Nazi! LMFAO

Three Nazis walk into a BAR They all get shot.

Who’s the best grammar Nazi? Adolf Hitler’s grandmother.

If you use a wrong word in a tweet and a grammar nazi loses his shit- Try these consoling words : “Their, there, they’re. It’ll be okay”

me: maybe those nazi salutes… we’re just them reaching for the stars… McDonald’s manager: this is the fastest I’ve ever fired someone

What do you call a Nazi cetacean? Adolfin.

How did Hitler tie his shoes? With little Nazis

What do neo-Nazis do on Hitler’s birthday? Heil if I know

Gotta admire the Nazi’s ethics on medical research… …since they advanced the field without hurting any animals.

What do you call a Nazi who survived the war? A veterinarian

What did Hitler say to the student that got a question wrong? That is Nazi answer.

Try not to put yourself in a position where you have to say “I’m not actually a Nazi”

If a user posts Nazi-related offensive content and a German moderator sees it, what happens to the user? He gets banschlussed.

There’s a lot of hate against Neo-Nazi groups… But you must agree with them that Hitler was right

What is a Germans favorite letter? I don’t know but it’s Nazi.

what do Nazis drive? Auchwhips

Why was “C” afraid of the rest of the alphabet? Because they were “Nazis”!!!! eyyyyy 😀

ANIMALS IT’S OK TO KILL IN AFRICA 1. Mosquitoes 2. Terminally ill zebra who signed a DNR 3. The Nazi monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark

If the Nazi’s were a football team, what would be their favorite play? Blitz!

Nazis and the great depression, I get it, Grandpa. But did you have to hear the word ‘selfie’ every fucking day? Did you?!

Why was Hitler confused when he arrived in hell? He did Nazi the Aryan his ways.

An Old German Visits the Doctor. His doctor comes into the room with a frown on his face, and tells him he has Lung Cancer. “Well,” the German says, “I did Nazi that coming.”

Why do we hire Nazis as Game Developers? Because they’re Pro-Grammer.

How did Nazi’s pickup Jewish Women? With a dust pan and broom

I wish I was Jewish Every time somebody farted I could say: “Are you a Nazi? Because you just gassed a Jew.”

What do you call an experienced Nazi doctor who treats animals? A veteran Aryan

2 Nazis walk into a BAR They each get 10 shots

They’re not called grammar nazis anymore. They’re the Alt-Write.

[offensive] jews KNOCK KNOCK Who’s there Nazi Nazi who? Who killed the jews? Natz me.

What did the Mooslim say to the Nazi? Don’t you hate it when a few bad apples make us all look bad?

To the girl with the nazi swastika avi that just rt’d me…… You just rt’d a Jew!!!! Enjoy your evening shalom

Me: I’m super funny. I mean, how could 13K people be wrong? Husband: There were WAY more people in the Nazi party. Me:……………..

Why can’t the Chinese be Nazis? Two Wongs don’t make a Reich

Journalist asks a neo-nazi “what do you have against foreigners?” “I have an axe”

What did the Nazi say… What did the Nazi say when he got lost on the way to the gas chamber? AUU-SCHWIT

whats Hitlers relationship status… He’s Nazing anybody

What do you call Nazis undergoing decomposition? Necrotizing Fascists.

What Does A Nazi Turkey Say? Goebbels, Goebbels, Goebbels

Why did the grammar nazi request someone else’s tombstone to be placed on his grave? He was a big fan of transferred epitaph.

What do you say when comforting a grammar Nazi? There, their, they’re

What did the Nazi doctor tell his fully dilated patient.? Just one more putsch.

Scrabble was invented by Nazi’s to piss off kids with dyslexia. The word “dyslexia” was invented by Nazi’s to piss off kids wigh dyslexia.

TIL During World War 2 over 200 civilian and resistance soldiers of Albania managed to ambush a convoy of soldiers and destroy their equipment. Reports say the soldiers did nazi them coming

What did the french say to the Nazis when they invaded ? Table for 50,000?

Why did the USSR agree to a nonaggression pact with Nazi Germany? They were Stalin.

Joke I just made up: what’s a neo nazis favorite sports drink? White powerade!

I will never forgive the nazis for what they did to my grandfather He worked 8 years on the guard tower with out a single promotion

did you know there are people who hate jews who are not nazis? yeah, they.re called tenants.

Ever find buried treasure in your grandpas backyard containing passports, Nazi uniforms, and a photo with Papa with the Fuhrer inside? Yeah.

What does a Nazi reach for when he has a head cold? Mein Camphor

My ex called me a peadophile… Pretty big word for a 6 year old. Edit for all the nazis: paedophile… Common typo and not the worst in the world imo

What do you call the person who revised Hitler’s speeches? Grammar Nazi

A Nazi is beating a Soviet at a political debate. The Soviet says he needs to take a bathroom break. The Nazi says: “Now you’re just Stalin”.

How do you comfort a grammar Nazi? There,They’re,Their . . .

What did the SS officer say after having his eye shot out? I can nazi.

Did you hear about the court ruling on the grammar Nazi who did the double-murder? He got a compound sentence.

Why are Nazis so good at math? They always come up with the final solution.

What do you call a nazi gardeners foot pain? A facist planter’s Plantar Fasciitis.

What was a positive accomplishments made by the Nazi party? The leader killed Hitler OP: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3grkqb/what_were_some_positive_accomplishments_made_by/

What do grammar nazis order at Burger King? Two Whoppers Junior

Did you hear about how they spotted a Nazi in the sea? It’s okay, it’s just adolfin

Who proofread Hitler’s speeches? A grammar nazi

Why did Hitler visit the optometrist so much? cause he could nazi

I’ll have you know my grandfather was killed by a Nazi. He committed suicide

What’s worse than a fish in the SS? *Adolf*in. Man, I did *Nazi* that coming.

What do you call the concentration camp prisoners who kept pestering the guards with questions? Askanazi Jews

Why were the letters a-y banned? They were all nazis

Which Nazi leader likes the Bulls the most? Joseph gobulls!

Why did the French construct the Maginot Line? To keep the Nazis in Czech!

What do nazis use to mass produce toys? A vinyl solution.

I don’t think it’s correct to call them grammar Nazis anymore… They seem to prefer the label “alt-write” nowadays.

What are the other letters of the alphabet? Nazis.

how do you hide from hitler? Standstill…. he can nazi.

Missing a period is probably a Grammar Nazi’s worst nightmare.

Want to hear a joke about the Nazis? Not Reich now.

Why is “Z” afraid of all of the other letters? Because they’re Not-Z’s (*Nazis*)

What happened when Hitler lost his glasses? He could Nazi.

Breaking News: Uncovered Nazi documents reveal a cure for cancer was found An oven..

What was the Neo Nazi’s favorite computer game? Mein Kraft

What’s the difference between a nazi and a gay guy? 45 degrees of the wrist

I made a knock-knock joke for ya Me: knock-knock You: Who’s there? Me: DEAD NAZI! You:… Dead nazi who? Me: I bet you Dead Nazi that one coming.

God talked to Jews like 500 times in the Old Testament, and not one warning about the Nazis.

Nazis would love heather bresch Because she is killing off the genetically impure

It’s hotter than A Nazi oven in the summer.

The guy who proofread Hitler’s speaches was literally a grammar Nazi.

Did you hear about the convicted grammar Nazi? He was *sentenced* to death

My grandmother hates it when I make spelling errors One might say she’s a grandma nazi.

What were Nazi turkeys forced to do each Thanksgiving? Goebel Goebbels.

Q: What do you call a blind German? A: A Not See (Nazi)

How did little Hitler tie his shoes? With little Nazis.

How do you call a nazi that doesn’t react? A neon nazi

Instead of Grammar Nazis, can we call them Grammar Alt Rights? Because your Grammar sure isn’t Altright.

Where did socially awkward Nazis get sent? To the conversation camp! (That was a part of my shower thoughts and popped spontaneously into my mind)

My work day has been like the movie Sound of Music. But with less singing. And more Nazis.

What is it with lesbians? If they hate men so much, why do they dress like them? You never see a Jew dressed as a Nazi.

What do you say to comfort the grammar nazi? There, their, they’re…

No YOUR a grammar nazi!

What do you call a grammar Nazi in 2016? An alt-writer.

They’re really just “Grammer Nazis” But the media keeps calling them “Alt-Write”

The Nazi’s weren’t bad guys. And I know I’m 100% reich about this.

What do Nazi pilots eat for breakfast? Luftwaffles

What did the Nazi boy say to his sweetheart? I reich you.

What type of drink do gay nazis hate? Juice

How do Germans tie their shoes? In little Nazis

Femi-Nazi Moderator Free speech to hell

I hate people who support the Nazis They’re such deutschbags.

I saw many places when I fought in WWII.. But I did Nazi Germany.

Why couldn’t Hitler fly a plane? Because he could Nazi very well.

A Nazi and Jew walk into a bar…. Or was it a gas chamber i can’t remember

Where can Grammar Nazis find asylum? Grammargentina

I’m sorry I said the Nazis were also a party when you invited me to celebrate your kid’s first birthday.

How many Nazi skin heads does it take to screw in a light bulb? 10, 1 to do it and 9 to back him up. Source: https://redandblackbritain.wordpress.com/humour/

What percentage of germans are not nazis? ninety-nine point nein nein nein nein nein nein nein percent

What’s the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg? One’s an overblown Nazi gasbag and the other’s a dirigible.

What do nazis eat for breakfast? Luftwaffles

I’m a grammar nazi. I’m also a regular nazi, but that’s a different story.

How does Hitler tie his shoes? With little Nazis, tiny little knotziz

Why did Russia sign the non-aggression pact with NazI Germany? They were Stalin for time.

What would you title a movie about a Nazi roofer with a speech impediment? Shinglers Lisp.

Did you hear about a vampire that joined the Nazi party? He was nazi in the mirror as well.

Why was Hitler late to his meeting? He did nazi how late it was!

There are lots of reasons to hate the Nazis. Mine? They didn’t finish the job.

Grammar Nazi hiding in Argentina captured after being baited on social media with an inappropriate you’re usage

Where did all the Sephardic Jews go? I dunno, you’ll have to Ashkenazi

What did Nazis do to kids with ADHD/ADD? They sent them to concentration camps.

How many lives does a Nazi cat have? Nein

What do you call a 20th century grammar nazi? Alt-Write

What do you call a porpoise that acts like a Nazi? Adolfin’

I don’t like Nazi jokes… …they’re far beyond Mein Kampfort zone.

How did Hitler react to the fall of Berlin? He did Nazi-it coming.

What do Nazis have for breakfast Luftwaffles

What do Nazis do on a beach vacation? They ride on Adolf-in no? I’ll see myself out.

Why did Hitler need glasses? He could NAZI

Did you know Japanese goddess Izanami was a Nazi? Just read her name backwards!

Grammar Nazis have typo negative blood.

Today I learned the Nazis were instrumental in the creation of Tang and other powdered fruit drinks But it didn’t get far since Hitler hated the juice.

Grammar Nazi. “Sir, we are mining too many useless cores” [Hitler rubs chin] “So, mine less. [Grammar Nazi bursts through the door] “MINE FEWER!” [Hitler looks up] “Yes, soldier?”

R news are nazis This is how it works, right? Can i get my karma points now i need karma

How many nazi’s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?? Nein

Why Hitler used uBoots? Because the enemy did nazi them coming.

What did the Nazi say to the clock that only went: “tick ____ tick ____ tick ____” ? “Ve have Vays of making you tock!”

What do you say when you are trying to comfort a grammar nazi? There, their, they’re

Why did Hitler lose WWII? He did NAZI it coming

How many Nazis does it take to finish a race? None, Nazis can’t finish a race.

You know my grandfather died in a Nazi prison camp? He died falling off a watch tower

Once saw a bunch of Nazis saluting in icy precipitation. It was quite the heil storm.

How are redditors and nazis similar? They both love gold trains.

Who do grammar nazis hang out with now? The alt-write.

What did they call taxi drivers in Nazi Germany? Ubermensch.

What do you call a blind German? A Nazi

How did people travel through Germany when Hitler was in power? Not sea. Get it? like Nazi. but not sea. get it?

Screaming, “Hitler and the Nazi Party are in a disarray!” when nudged at parties tells everyone that you fall asleep to the History Channel.

I don’t know why some people are so against jokes about the Nazi’s They kill in the Jewish communities

In 1940 Goebbels made a speech… Proclaiming that the Swastika was an example of the Golden Ratio. Turns out it was a fibbin’ Nazi…

What do you call a Nazi doctor that served in WWII and only took animal patients? A Veteran Aryan Veterinarian!

How many Nazis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?? One. He makes three Polacks do it at gunpoint.

How did the jews fight off Nazis? Jew jitsu

How do you kill a Grammar Nazi? mkae tehm brun tiehr eeys owt Eidt: sepleinlg croertcoin

What do nazi’s use to clean their yard of dog shit? The Turd Rake.

1942: How can we beat the Nazis? 1968: How can we go to the moon? 2006: How can a phone be a supercomputer? 2016: How can we beat the Nazis?

I did not expect Brazil to get beaten this badly by Germany I really did Nazi it coming

How do you calm down a grammar Nazi? There they’re their…

People say I shouldn’t have bought so many books about the Nazis But I was only obeying Borders.

What did the jew post to the nazi subreddit? r/roastme

How did Hitler tie his shoes? With little nazis.

Say what you will about grammar nazis At least they aren’t anti-semantic.

How do Germans tie there shoes? With little Nazis.

What do Jews in Nazi Germany and children at Penn State have in common? They’re both afraid of showers

How many grammar nazi’s does it take to change a light bulb How many grammar Nazis does it take to change a light bulb? FTFY.

What was Hitler’s problem when the lights went out? He could Nazi. Edit: Fuck me, Reddit. I heard you *liked* puns…

What doesn’t kill a grammar nazi makes me wronger.

Why british wete at war with nazi germany? Because they couldnt afford another Aryans stealing their tea.

“How did you go in the exam on Nazi invasions?” “I blitzed it.”

how to comfort a grammar Nazi: Pat their shoulder and say, “Their, They’re, There.”

Why did the Nazi cross the road? to get to the geno-side.

If you aren’t a Nazi right now, thank a veteran.

Why did the nazi refuse to drink lemonade? He hated acidic juice.

Why was Hitler diagnosed with blindness? Because he could nazi anyone.

I hate the Nazis so much They make me goddamned Fuhrious!

What do you call a Nazi’s concealed weapon? Auschwitz blade!

What does a Nazi Turkey say? Goebbels, Goebbels,Goebbels…

What did the Nazi say to the pregnant Jew? I see you have another Jew in the oven.

How do you comfort a grammar nazi? “There, they’re, their.”

Grammar Nazis really make me fuhrious. I’m sorry. That joke was really out of mein kampfort zone. Anne Frankly, it was just bad.

What did the Nazi say to the clock that went tick-tick-tick? Ve have vays of making you tock…

I’m not suggesting Cher is a nazi, but at no point during “If I Could Turn Back Time” does she mention killing Hitler.

Ok redditors i need your best volleyball or nazi puns!

Why do Nazis hate Canadian summers? They’re mostly Julys.

Why is Donald Trump such a surprise? People did Nazi him coming.

A nazi walks into a juice store and asks for some juice The owner says, sorry, we got no juice

Funny, those Baby Einstein videos don’t mention anything about how he fled Baby Europe to escape the Baby Nazis.

What do you call an unemployed Nazi? Laid-off Hitler!

I love when commercials are like “because four million people can’t be wrong,” because then I’m like, “Really? even Nazi Germany?”

how did hitler tie his shoesies? with little nazis

What don’t you say to console a grammar nazi? “There their they’re, it’ll be okay!”

Two jews walk into a bar Jk lol I’m a Fukien nazi

Hitler on mining “Sir, we are mining too many useless ores” [Hitler rubs chin] “So mine less” [Grammar Nazi bursts through the door] “MINE FEWER!” [Hitler looks up] “Yes?”

What blood type are most grammar Nazis have? A Type O

Did you hear about the new movie about the Nazi with a speech impediment? Schindler’s Lisp

How do you comfort a Grammar Nazi? There, their, they’re

Grammar Nazi If somebody who is really anal about proper grammar is called a Grammar Nazi, is someone who constantly makes grammatical mistakes a Grammar Jew?

Nazi jokes are so offensive Anne Frankly, I find them immature.

There have been a lot of pro nazi posts on here lately Anne Frankly I’m sick of it

The problem with grammar nazis? They’re anti-semantic.

If Ben Franklin was a Nazi, how would he have discovered electricity? By frying kikes.

How does Hitler tie his shoes? With Nazi’s

Why do historians believe all nazis were women? They all had blood on their hands. Credit of the joke goes to James of FunHaus

Did you hear that Tropicana funded the Nazi campaign? They made Jews from concentrate.

I never use the term “feminazi”… Because the Nazis actually got stuff done. Edit: Thanks for all the love and hate Reddit.

Grammar Nazi vs. Hitler Soldier:”Sir, we are mining too many useless ores.” Hitler:”So mine less!” [Grammar Nazi busts in] “MINE FEWER” [Hitler looks up] “Yes?”

Why was Kermit chased by nazis as a kid? He was a Tad-Pole

What did Hitler say when the Allies landed on Normandy? Dang, I did Nazi that coming.

Where did the Nazis send the Juice? To the concentration camps.

I think you are amayonazing! I’d take it as a condiment.

How do you comfort a grammar Nazi? “…They’re, their, there.”

What did the Nazi Police Officer Give to the Schoolchildren? SWAT Sticka’s!

How do you piss off 2 feminazis? Put them in a room with each other

My grandfather died in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany… … he fell from a watchtower when he got drunk again.

Why are jeering baseball fans like Grammar Nazis? They make the badder worse.

2 nazis walk into a bar

What company did the Nazis use to move the Jews to concentration camps? Jew-Haul

Hey Feminazis, I sprained my wrist jet-skiing this weekend, so you can shut up about the “pain of childbirth.”

*texts god* Me: yo, can we add “being a grammar nazi” to the list of sins? Their annoying. God: *they’re

How do you get to Nazi Germany It’s on the third right EDIT: Woah this is like my third day here front page? I feel special now.

Some grammar Nazis told me about a seminar they are going to attend about cause and effect. They’re there to affect its effect and it’s there for their two affects too.

Storm What do call if it was raining Nazis? A Heil storm

What did the Nazi become after the war ended? A veterinarian (veteran aryan).

Unless you’ve studied Nazism at a Nazi university and you’ve read Mein Kampf (in German), your criticism of Nazism isn’t valid -Nobody ever

Judge: The defendant is claiming you’re a nazi. Is this true? Lawyer: *flustered* er no fuhrer questions your honour *courtroom gasps*

What do you call a blind german? A not-see (Nazi).

What do running shoes and Neo-Nazis have in common? Both make Jews run faster! (Sorry, but as an agnostic Jew myself, I hope that it’s okay for me to make this joke.)

What do Grammar Nazis support? The Third Write

I booked a taxi today When it arrives I threw up a Nazi salute. I bet no one’s thought of heiling a cab before

My wife told me to stop making holocaust puns today Im telling Jew i did Nazi that coming

What did the Soviet man have to say about the Nazis? U SS R the worst

In the 1945-6 Nuremberg Trials what should have been the opening statement from the defence counsel representing the Nazi War criminals? ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.’

This World Cup game is crazy Brazil did nazi this coming.

What does an antisemite say when he rolls five of a kind? “Nazi!”

“I’m on the Reich track baby, I was born this race.” -Nazi Gaga

What did the white supremacist say to his friend after watching a plot twist? I did Nazi that coming.

How does Hitler tie his shoes? With little Nazis

Nazi jokes… Just aren’t Reich.

How does Hitler tie his shoesies? With little nazis.

A Nazi walks into a BAR… Browning automatic rifle

What does Matthew McConnaughey call Nazis when he’s trying to bring them into the mainstream? Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right

You ever hear of the Nazi strip club? They don’t make it rain, they make it Heil!

Grammer nazis are the worse. Thank you four you’re time.

An old Jewish man won the lottery, and decided to donate half of it to the nazi party. “Fair is fair,” he said. “They gave me the winning numbers.”

People who call themselves “grammar Nazis” deserve the worst possible sentence.

What do women and grammar Nazis have in common? One missed period is enough to freak them out.

Why did the Nazi fraulein move to Budapest? She heard there were hung Aryans.

Hitler’s proofreader for Mein Kampf was literally a Grammar Nazi.

Three guys walk into a bar… And their families are slowly torn apart by alcoholism. (Edit: typo pointed out by grammar Nazi)

Feminazis love Game of Thrones…….. Cause all men must die

What no running shoes and Neo-Nazis have in common? Both make Jews run faster! (Sorry, but as an agnostic Jew myself, I hope that it’s okay for me to make this joke.)

I was going to make a Nazi joke but. It is out of mein kampfort zone.

Went to a Trump rally in New Hampshire this week. Hard to describe the vibe, but “what if the Nazis didn’t care about fitness?” comes close.

What’s a good punch line to a Nazi themed anti-joke? Can you **not see** where I am going with this?

What do Nazis drink for breakfast? Orange Jews.

“Nazis!” – the History Channel

NAZI: I’m a Nazi MEDIA: How controversial NAZI: I said I was a Nazi MEDIA: Your clothes are beautifully tailored

What kind of deoderant did the nazis wear? Reich Guard

I can’t call people Grammar Nazis on social media anymore…. Now I call them the Alt-Write.

Trump winning the election I did nazi that coming

Three Nazi’s walk into a B.A.R. …

Why was hitler’s suicide such a suprise? Because we did nazi it coming

Why do Nazis love Vinyls? Cause you can turn the tables from 45 to 33.

What did the Jew say when he evaded the Nazi officers? Auschwitz! That was close!

History Trivia: In many photographs of Hitler,a golden retriever wearing a Nazi uniform can be seen. This is notorious war criminal Herr Bud

Call Me crazy, but the ideal number of times a Pope should have once been a member of the Nazi Youth is zero.

[Different] Why isn’t Hitler in Mario Kart? Because he can Nazi the road.

If I had a time machine I’d go back to Germany in 1933 and change my Facebook avatar to an anti-Nazi logo.

How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb? None Enough light comes in through the glass ceiling

What did the Nazi do after World War II? He became a veteran Aryan.

What was Hitler’s favorite way to tie his boots? In Nazi’s!

Why did Hitler need glasses? Because he could Nazi

If you can’t concentrate, rub your nipples. It won’t help, but concentration is overrated anyway. You know who likes concentration? Nazis.

Meanwhile, in an alternate universe where the Nazi’s empire reaches to all four corners of the universe… They’ve become a Reichtangle.

I asked the Nazi store for a discount They gave me 8 off.

How did the Nazis come up with the name for their concentration camp? After the first Jew off the train said “Awe shits.”

The person who proofread all of Hitler’s speeches Was a Grammar Nazi ( )

What do you say to a grammar nazi who just got their left side cut off? Their, they’re, there. You’ll be all right.

My son just told me he wouldn’t kill baby Hitler b/c of what that would do to the space program. Not 100% sure if he’s a Nazi or just a nerd

“Sir, we are mining too many useless ores” *Hitler rubs chin* So mine less [Grammar Nazi busts in] “MINE FEWER” [Hitler looks up] Yes?

*hitler leans in close to the mic* and the next person to question me gets executioned *grammar nazi bites lip*

Why did the blind Jew hate driving in Germany? When it came to speed bumps, he did nazi them coming

This is one of those gems thought up at 4 am, why does nobody listen to Neo-Nazis? It’s all just white noise.

“I’m proud to be an American” “I’m proud to be American!” said the American. “I’m proud to be Canadian!” said the Canadian. “I’m proud to be German!” said the Nazi.

I’m not a Grammar Nazi! I’m alt-write.

What is a nazi’s favourite food? Luftwaffles

What do you call a Starving German Woman Faminenazi

Trump interrupted Hilary Clinton up to 51 times in the first debate: Even grammer nazis interrupted fewer.

What did the Nazi/Islamist soccer team say when they lost the game? The shoes did it!

Favorite joke as a kid. How did Hitler tie his shoes? With little Nazis.

When the grammar nazi learned his friend had less than 6 months to live. *fewer

Why should you never tell jokes about Hitler? Because your friends might Nazi (not see) the humor.

What form of hand-to-hand combat did the Nazis use? Jew Jitsu

I was told I look like a nazi soldier… And I said, “no, this is a Wehrmacht uniform”.

What do you tell a nazi with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told Richard Spencer twice!

What did the Nazi Officer say when he saw the Americans approaching? Au Schwitz!

Sleeping in central park Is it going too far to equate my experience sleeping in central park to being a Jewish person in nazi germany…

Why are divorces so expensive? Because they are worth it! EDIT: to please all the grammar Nazis of the world

I was appalled to learn about Hitler’s uprising. Anne Frankly, I did Nazi that coming.

Hitler pun “Sir, we’re mining too many useless minerals.” Hitler: “So mine less.” Grammar Nazi busts in. “MINE FEWER.” (Hitler looks up) “Yes?”

A Nazi Redditor walks into a B.A.R He died.

How does a German tie his shoes? In little Nazis

On “Anne frankly” and “I did nazi that coming”… Those *Panzer* gettin`old

What social movement were nazis really into? Aryan Reichts

Reddit gold is a lot like Nazi gold Accumulated over the corpses of people you’ve burned

What do you call a german that can’t see? A nazi.

How do you comfort a grammar Nazi? they’re, their, there

What’s the difference between feminists and Nazis? The Nazis had a purpose

How do little german children tie their shoes? In little nazis!

Did you hear about the new 8bit Nazi Simulator game? It’s called Eightolf Bitler.

What do you call a Nazi who left the war to become an animal doctor? A Veteran Aryan

My class was reading a book. It was called Taming of the Shrew. Someone blurted out loud, “I just thought of a Nazi version!” “Taming of the Jews!” ***** ^^^^not ^^^^oc

Neo Nazi? Morpheus unhappy.

Why is Nazi cooking horrible? Because everything is burnt but with a Jewey center.

Why does the nazi love to bring his jewish friend to indian restaurants? Because he loves to order some **sizlar** for his jewish friend.

Why did the blind jew got killed? because he could nazi

My great great grandfather died in a Nazi death camp. He fell off of a guard tower.

What do you call a blind German? A nazi.

What do dads and grammar Nazis have in common? They’re not there.

What do you call a Nazi who is social and moves freely at a party? Josef Mengeling

I know I’m being such a grammar Nazi, but it’s “Jew-rats make me NAUSEATED,” not “Jew-rats make me NAUSEOUS”

I once tried to become a Nazi… …but killing people was outside mein kampf-ort zone.

The term “Grammar Nazi” is no longer as common It is now called the “alt-write”.

I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis. So far it’s got 3 Reichs on Facebook.

Why didn’t Hitler cross the road? Because he could nazi anything

I Read Something In The Newspaper A few days ago, there was an article in the newspaper obituaries titled “Survivor of Nazi Death Train Dies” … I guess he’s not a survivor anymore.

Confucius say: Nazi soldier who popular with ladies may be Hungaryan.

A feminist grammar-nazi’s favourite joke (NOT a mean joke) A woman without her man is nothing! “Wait, that’s not quite right!” A woman; without her, man is nothing!

How does Hitler tie his shoes? In little Nazis

Why did the nazi work in the animal hospital after the war? He was a veteran Aryan.

My English teacher is living proof that Grammar Nazis still exist. Sorry… Alt-Write.

A Nazi scientist walks into Burger King He asks for a Whopper, and the guy at the counter replies: “Don’t you mean a *Heisenburger*?”

What did the Nazi with celiac disease say at the breakfast table? Excuse me, but is this cereal Glutenfrei?

Why did the blind man become Hitler? Because he could **Nazi.** *(disclaimer may have to read aloud for joke to occur, if laughing occurs for more than 4 seconds please contact your doctor)*

What is a Nazi’s favorite bird? Q: What’s a Nazi’s favorite bird? A: Austrich

Flo Rida Did you know Right Round by Flo Rida was actually taken from an old Nazi spiritual from the ’40’s? Oh yeah, the original goes like this: Jew spin mein head reich round, reich round…

Now why don’t sumo wresters shave their heads? To avoid being mistaken for nazis.

Heard about the Berlin Comedy Club in the 1940s? It was Nazi time for Holocaust jokes.

I’ll never forgive the Nazis for how they treated my grandad in that concentration camp during the war… Five years he was there on that machine gun tower, and never got a single promotion…

Jokes about nazi concentration camps really offend me My great grandfather died in a holocaust camp. He got really drunk and fell out of a guard tower

I am not a “Grammar Nazi”… I prefer the term “Alt-Write”.

To people calling themselves “Grammar Nazis”: you’re not correcting grammar so much as punctuation or spelling. Hi, I’m a Nomenclature Nazi.

What’s Hitler’s favourite cany? Nazipan

How does a Nazi high five? Up heil, down low!

What do you call Keanu Reeves when he served under Hitler? A Neo Nazi.

Google is now filtering out Holocaust denier websites from searches Now we will nazi those results.

Why did Hitler commit suicide suddenly? He lost the war.and he did Nazi that coming..

My Grandpa: killed 17 Nazis and singlehandedly saved his entire battalion in WWII Me: Sits around all day making up stories about my Grandpa

5-year-old: What are Nazis? Me: Bad people who we killed a long, long time ago 5: Why were they bad? Me: They kept correcting our grammar

What do you call a blind german? A Not – see (Nazi)

What do you say when you see a Nazi trip and fall? “Are you Alt-right?”

What did the Belgian Nazis call themselves? The Waffle S.S.

What is the main attraction at a Nazi Theme park? Genoslide.

Why was Good Friday a favorite Nazi holiday? Because people all over the world celebrated the death of a Jew.

Where can you buy nazi related items at the store? Aisle Hitler

How many Nazis does it take to deny the holocaust? Nein nein nein!!!

Need help with a joke! What’s a funny reason that Germany or Germans can’t be trusted that doesn’t have to do with nazis?

Apparently the same firm rents buildings to both ISIS and Neo-Nazis. You could say they’re the lessor of two evils.

What did the Nazi say to the Cowboy? Reich for the sky!

What’s the NSDAP’s favourite kind of Jew? I dunno, ashkenazi!

Why are all the streets in Paris lined with trees? Because Nazis prefer to march in the shade.

How does one make a Nazi? With a ropesy.

Just thought of a nazi knock knock joke (probably said before) Knock knock Whos there? Nazis Nazis who? No wonder we killed millions of you.

The term ‘Grammar Nazi’ is outdated and offensive… …we prefer to be called the Alt-Write

What do you say when you’re comforting a grammar nazi? There,Their,They’re

How did Hitler tie his shoes? In little Nazis

What does the old Nazi call his favorite reclining chair? Mein Kampfy chair.

Hitler had one hell of a speech writer. People called him the grammar nazi.

How do you comfort a grammar nazi? There, their, they’re.

What did the Nazi officer say when he was captured? It’s not me; it’s Jew.

What do call a Nazi that takes bribes? Paid-off Hitler!

What’s green and flies over Germany ? Snazis. This insanely corny joke brought to you by my Dad, circa 1990. May he rest in peace!

Are the Nazis who fought in WWII veteran-Aryans? And can I bring my dog to them for a checkup?

How did hitler tie his shoes? In little nazis

How does Hitler tie his shoes? In littles Nazis.

2 nazis walk into a bar, third one ducks.. just at the reich moment.

What do you say when you’re comforting a grammar Nazi? There, their, they’re.

The actress that played Anne Frank in the Anne |Frank story was so bad….. That the scene where the Nazis entered the stage and said “where is she” the audience shouted “she’s in the attic”.

How do Germans tie their shoes? In little nazis

Who was appointed as a proof reader of Hitler’s speeches? A Grammar Nazi

What did the Nazi interrogater say to the clock that would only tick? “Ve have vays of making you tock!”

What is the difference between feminists and Nazis? One group has a purpose and lots of support and the other is full of nagging women.

I’ll never forgive the Nazis for how they treated my granddad in that concentration camp during the war. Five years he was there on that machine gun tower, and never got a single promotion…

You don’t hear much from our Vice President…. Obama zipped him up and he’s a-biden. Edit: typo. For you, grammar nazis.

Why does everybody hate the grammar nazi He’s just trying to make it Reich

What do you say when you are comforting a grammar Nazi? there, their, they’re.

How did Hitler tie his shoes? In little nazis. Oldie but still good.

The Grammar Nazis burst in. “We know you’re harbouring Jews, Mrs Gies” “There ain’t no Jews here!” “Double negative! Search the attic, boys”

People keep accusing me of using the wrong words in my sentences. It’s like everyone in my life has turned into a grandma nazi.

Why did Eva Braun dislike giving Hitler blowjobs? Because he left a Nazi taste in her mouth.

Why are there so many grammar Nazis on the internet? Because English majors have no jobs.

What do you call an airline run by nazis? Aryan Air

Why are Nazis such bad DJs? Because they dont get the difference between 33 and 45.

What sea mammal controls Nazi Germany? Adolf-in

you know how Hitler used to tie his shoes? In little nazis

I just saw a Nazi drive past me at 88 mph Probably going Back to the Fuhrer

In a spelling bee contest, what is a Jewish candidates worst nightmare? A grammar Nazi

How do you comfort a grammar nazi? Their, they’re, there.

In college, I liked beer more than Girls. A beer can’t change its mind after you get its top off. Edit: Thanks, grammar Nazis

What if Hitler was cast for ‘The Matrix’ instead of Keanu Reeves? The movie would have been pretty… Neo-Nazi.

Why are Trump supporters *not* Nazis? When Nazis demanded your papers, they said “please.”

What gives you uncontrollable gas? Nazis

Grammar Nazis see things only two ways The Reich way or the wrong way

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