Bill Clinton must be the luckiest man in the world. All of the sex he has, with Hillary, you know it’s hate sex.
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My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.
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I don’t judge people based on color, race, religion, sexuality, or gender…I base it on whether or not they’re an asshole.
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What did the hillbilly say to his sister after she asked him to have sex with her? If you incest.
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I visited Amsterdam this summer, and decided to have sex with a prostitute. It was an overall positive experience. Sadly, it was an HIV positive experience.
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I once had a crippiling masturbation addiction… …now i have a sex addiction, could you say my addiction has gotten out of hand?
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What are the 3 stages of sex after marriage? Tri-weekly Try Weekly and Try Weakly
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What do you call it when a jugaloo sleeps with his girlfriend after a fight? Make up sex.
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Over the past year, my sexual fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse. But it wasn’t until I spanked a statue that I realised I’d hit rock bottom.
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What is the best part about having sex with 23 year olds? There’s 20 of them. (Works better in person)
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How is light beer like having sex in a canoe? They’re both fucking close to water.
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[pulls out acoustic guitar at a funeral] alright everyone stop being all [finger quotes] sad this next 1 is dedicated to a very sexy widow.
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Two blonds are having a conversation. Two blonds are having a conversation when one says to the other “I had sex with a brazilian last night” The other blond replies “WOW that’s a lot of men”
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you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks if hes “sexual” the rest of the boys all agree that he is
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Sex makes your day, but anal makes you hole weak..
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I get turned on whenever I eat greek dips… …I think I’m a hummusexual.
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What do black men find most shocking about sex? Tazers
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Why does Anna’s mom encourage her daughter to experiment with sexuality? Because she lives bicuriously through others .
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My new years resolution is to have more sex! I Haven’t told my cellmate yet though
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The road to recovery from my addiction to sexual innuendos has been a long and hard one. But the end is in sight… I can see it coming.
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What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual Norse monarchs? The bikings.
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What is the worse thing for a guy to say after sex? My name is Barry Allen
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I lost my job at the hospital today for sexual assault…. It’s not my fault that they put up a sign that said, ‘stroke patients downstairs’.
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I used to think people who looked for sex on craigslist were rock bottom… Then I discovered twitter.
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I figure I must be Bi-sexual. I have sex twice a year.
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The last US election had a candidate called Mitt, a devout Catholic and a candidate called Newt, a serial adulterer. One was against same sex marriage and the other was against same marriage sex.
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I was sitting on the train this morning, and I saw a really sexy Thai girl I thought to myself, “Please don’t get an erection, please don’t get an erection”, but she did.
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Fifty Shades of Grey instills that if a dude is sexy and rich you should allow him contractual ownership of your body because helicopters.
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My friend got drunk and thinks he had sex with a prostitute… At first he wasn’t sure, but then he was *positive*.
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What’s the difference between a normal pirate and a sexy pirate? The type of booty they plunder.
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Sex Joke So an egg walked up to a sperm and said, “You cum here often.”
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Football is like Sex your mom sucks at both
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Why did the little Dutch boy have to register as a sex offender? He kept on sticking his finger in a tyke.
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Whats the number one reason for Pedophilia? Sexy children.
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Sex is like a gas station..!! Sometime you get full service… Sometimes you gotta ask for service and sometimes you have to be happy with self service.!
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What’s the best part about a redneck family fight? The makeup sex
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Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That’s when you have sex on a plane, and it’s with a sandwich
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JOHN AND MARY’S SEX DISCOVERY
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What’s so good about having sex with twenty one year olds? There’s twenty of them.
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I always study the vagina before sex Because I like to know what I’m getting myself into
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who says homosexuality isn’t a decision? i turn women gay all the time.
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Let’s talk about Sex Baby. I regret you naming our son that. You’re a real piece of shit, Tammy.
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Shoplifting or rape If you have sex with a prostitue and pay with a cheque that bounces is it shoplifting or rape?
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Viagra Tea Does nothing for your sexual vigour, but stops your biscuit going soft.
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Confucius say… Man who go to bed with sex in mind, wake up with solution in hand.
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What sex position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
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Ever want to have rodeo sex? Get on top and call her by the wrong name and try and hold on for 8 seconds.
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I was having sex with a woman last night and she kept screaming this other guys name. Who the hell is this “Rape” fellow, anyway?
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I wouldn’t say my butt plug the best sex toy… but it’s definitely up there.
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Doctor says: “No sex for 6 weeks after birth.” Me: Why? Did her vagina see its shadow? Doctor: Me: Doctor: Please tell me you’re not the father.
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ActivityBuddy A new app is sweeping the AppStore, using GPS technology similar to Grindr/ Tinder, ActivityBuddy matches up people who enjoy the same activity. The #1 activity? Anonymous gay sex.
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What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair? Rolaids.
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Why are men smarter while having sex? Because they’re plugged into a know it all.
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Why do Welsh farmers …. Why do Welsh farmers tend to have sex with sheep on the edge of a cliff? So the sheep will push back
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Relationship status: My sex toys have 2 drawers now.You know you’re getting old when everything either dries up or leaks
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I don’t know what it is, but there is something strangely sexy about the way my grandad gets down doggystyle so I can wipe him. nevermind.
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How do they practice safe sex in Wyoming? They mark the sheep that kick.
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Ever wondered why is being gay a sin? It’s simple. We all know 69 as a sex position. Satan’s own number is 666. Now think about gays, and 666 as a sex position.
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Wife sneezed… … and told me she was allergic to my hotness. My response: so do you break out in sex?
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I identify as a sexual atheist With a strong belief that I will never get laid.
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Nsfw. My wife and I had not had sex in a couple months but this morning she woke up randy… He is our neighbor and said her music was up too loud. We still havent had sex.
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What’s fun about having sex with twenty-one year olds? You know, there is twenty of them
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Man has sex with dead corpse That’s my fetish.
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I like my Wifi like I like my sex… Unprotected.
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A man asks a woman: “-Did you know that laughter is second best way to convince a girl to have sex with you ? ” “-Really, what is the first ?” “-A knife.” “-Hahaha, you’re so funny !” “-Good choice.”
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How are wearing Crocs like having butt sex with a guy? It feels really good until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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What do you get when you cross a female tyrannosaur with a male tyrannosaur? Tyrannosaurus Sex! *I apologize deeply, I’m so…so sorry*
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So I heard you’re having sex with fruit. What are you, fucking bananas?
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Confucius say… …sex on beach is like American beer, very near water.
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I had a near miss on my a flight to Thailand. Well a pre-op Transsexual.
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The Bible is a fascinating book It’s fascinating how a book with so much sex and violence can be so boring
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Sex is not the answer… Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer
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Butt sex is a lot like spinach If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.
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If you don’t like oral sex You should keep your mouth shut
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If there’s a sock on my doorknob… It means I’m having sex with the other one.
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“Son, you can practice the sex on holes in trees” “DAD?!” [next day] “Where you going with that broom handle?” “Checkin for squirrels”
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How do they practice safe sex in Scotland? They brand the sheep that kick.
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What do you get when you have sex with an STD infested mentally challenged person? The slow clap
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The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
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Why don’t they have sex ed and drivers ed on the same day in the middle east? There are never enough camels to go around.
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How do you determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes
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I tried bringing sexy back but the lady at Walmart assured me I didn’t get it there.
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I’m in favour of same sex marriage That’s mainly because I’ve been having the same sex with my wife for the past 20 years
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What do American beer and sex on a boat have in common? Both are fucking close to water.
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Why are stock traders so good at sex? Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you.
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How did a sexy but unqualified Japanese woman get voted into public office? Erections
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Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
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Former District attorney lost job after scandal, now a male sex worker. Most of his jobs are pro-boner
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*pokes sex life with a stick
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How’s Bud Light like having sex in a canoe? They’re both fucking pretty close to water.
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A security camera caught a couple having sex in an elevator. …. They got off on the eighth floor…. then they straightened their clothing and exited the elevator on the 14th floor.
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A sexist, a racist and a homophobe walk into a bar Bartender: ‘What will it be, Mr Trump?’
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I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, “No, one drag is enough.”
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Accept it. Your parents HAVE had sex before.
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My favourite sex position is the JFK I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
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Give it to me straight “I’d really like to have sex with you-” Now give it to me gay “-r boyfriend.”
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Sex is a lot like eating It starts with the mouth and ends in the arse
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Coffee at McDonald’s is like sex in prison You’ll have no trouble getting it, but it’s rough.
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Do you know why there’s no sound when Django has sex? Because the D is silent.
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SNAKE: im gonna bite you SNAKE CHARMER: u are so sexy S: wha- SC: *presses finger to lips* still wana bite me? S: *blushes* well not anymore
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